Monday 7 December 2009

A short post today - not much has happened since my last post but a couple of bits are plaguing me this morning...

I cannot, for some reason, focus today. I was at the gym at 6am for my Monday morning PT session, and during the 30 minutes I think I spent about 26 of them trying to look out the window or around the studio. I don't know why I couldn't keep my mind on the job this morning. I feel kinda spacey now too. I told Mr PT that I'm starting netball next season after about 6 years off the courts. I also told him how my ex told me to remember that just because people are better than me at netball, it doesn't make them stinkers and I should not be mean to them. All I need to do is practise and I will get better too. Now Mr PT thinks I am this big horrible bully. I kind of like that he thinks that actually. Keeps him on his toes.

This morning I was driving behind a car with a bumper sticker that read "Real Men Love Jesus". I have no problem with religious people - I have an issue with religion in that it claims to preach love but really it preaches intolerance. What I would like to know is why I need to have the fact that people are religious rubbed in my face via bumper stickers and the like? How dare that person judge me or question my manliness {:o)} because I do not "love Jesus". Imagine the backlash if I had a sticker that read "Satan Rocks" on my car. My grandma would have a fit, but that's an aside. I'm perfectly happy for people to believe what they would like to believe - however I think in the same way, my right to believe what I believe should be respected. Stupid sticker.

4 sleeps till I get Jeff!! I can't wait!! I got all his little bits and pieces out last night, so his little house is ready for him and I've unwrapped all his toys etc. I need to go and get him some treats, and some more toys to play with. My friend Clair is coming to have dinner at my place on Monday night all the way from Coogee so Jeff doesn't get lonely - Monday will be his first day all alone in the house while I am at work. Clair has a fabulous new red convertible that she is enjoying driving so I think that has something to do with her willingness to come to my side of Sydney!

Just a little moan...yesterday at my Dad's bithday party I brought my own lunch. My Mum is a fabulous cook, but it is too hard for me to try and count the carbs and fat in what she makes, so I'd prefer to just eat what I make and enjoy the company of my family. Everyone, as usual, had something to say about this. It's not the first time I've done it, and it won't be the last. But my grandma said "That would be torture for me, I think I would just throw it in the bin and eat with everyone else blah blah blah!". I adore my grandma, but when I was overweight I did not hear the end of it then either. So what exactly do these people want from me? Being thin and fit takes discipline for some people - unlike my mother's family, I do not have predominately Asian genes. I am not naturally stick thin. But I've learnt to live with it, I afford myself treats sometimes, but most of the time I just have to suck it up and eat what Mr PT tells me to. It just winds me up - nothing I ever do is good enough or to their liking. To her credit though, my Mum doesn't get offended anymore - she shrugs her shoulders and accepts that I am going to do what I am going to do. I know I should stop worrying about what other people think and just be happy in myself but it's difficult - for my whole childhood I was pudgy and my Mum's family were merciless in their taunts. Having 4 brothers didn't help, but they are MEANT to taunt you. And now that I can manage my weight and I'm the fittest I've ever been, it's like they preferred me fat or something.

- B xxx