Saturday 5 December 2009

This week I was told the most fabulously debaucherous story I have ever heard. The person involved shall remain nameless, but I don't think anyone who reads this knows her anyway. I can't possibly articulate it in writing with the same hilarity that I experienced when I heard it - it made me literally keel over in my chair laughing. So my friend, let's call her Marge, met a lovely man. They were inseparable from the minute they locked gazes, all her friends who were out with her at the pub thought she had taken ecstasy such was her immediate attachment to the gentleman in question. Eventually, after many a public display of affection, they decided to leave the pub in pursuit of privacy. On the way home, they stopped to have a raunchy kiss up against a brick wall. The house behind the wall had the front door open, and a suitably drunken Marge led her man friend inside. More action in the hallway ensued until this conversation:

Man-friend: You're amazing, let's go to your room.

Marge: OK. We better go to my house first.

Man-friend: This isn't your house?!

Marge: Nah.

Man-friend: So who lives here??!

Marge: I've got no idea...

You know who you are my friend Marge. And you know how I feel about your story - extremely positive and generally quite amused. Well done!! Everyone else will be pleased to know, Marge & her man friend are pursuing an adult relationship - much to Marge's surprise given her drunken behaviour on their first meeting!!

Last night I went to The Mean Fiddler. It was SO much fun - and I had not a drop to drink. Mainly cos my friend Sandi's hubby Jez is a cop and I was driving. I know he wouldn't make me feel weird, but I would just feel so frowned upon! So I was on the water. All the girls had a lovely boogie, and I finally got to meet Sandi's niece Rhonda who arrived in Sydney from South Africa this week. I left fairly early, not knowing that later on in the evening there would be much pashing and dashing!! (Well done Carly & Rhonda!! I know nothing of the events but I am sure they deserve a mention in my blog!)

Sandi was in fine form on the posh champagne and imparted much useful advice, mainly with regards to a guy that I have a little crush on. On him having a girlfriend, "Disregard her!". On how difficult it is having a crush on someone with little to no relevant interest in you, "He loves you! It's obvious! Disregard his girlfriend, I hate her already. She's a man. Tell her she's ruining your chances with him!". Other topics included women wearing dresses which are way too short for them (Seriously, what is the deal with this? Do they not realise that they look cheap and tawdry? This is not a trend to embrace people. You look like hookers.), the fact that I had never heard some song that came on and if I'm hungry I should choose fruit over ice cream. It's such a funny little world - I used to babysit Sandi's daughters Emily & Caitlin in England as I was working next door as a nanny. Then I moved back to Australia and shortly after so did Sandi & her family but we lost touch. About 12 months later I sent Sandi an email to the only address I had for her - and it turned out she was living just up the road from me!!

On the subject of nannying/babies - recently I have been going through a phase of not liking children.  I've historically always been the opposite. I've thought a lot about it, and can confirm I do actually like kids. I mainly like them when they can't talk properly, however I also enjoy them when they are laughing, have faces covered in ice-cream, chocolate or vegemite or when they have just done something really BAD and they know they've been bad, and they don't care. I think what has brought on my current phase is doing my shopping in a geographic location where there is a higher proportion of people with children. In the Eastern Suburbs I'm willing to bet there is a lower percentage of people with children than in the West. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's just meant I've reached a point of extreme annoyance with the grubby little blighters. I really must work on my patience and tolerance. Christmas doesn't help - they're everywhere, demanding gifts.

Recently I declared myself a Google doctor. Today I was vindicated when I explained some concerns I've been having to my osteopath and he diagnosed the exact condition that I had self diagnosed. Who needs a degree when the world has Google?? It's a terrible thing for hypochondriacs like me. But turns out I do actually have adrenal fatigue, and I need to start taking baths with candles and the like before bed. I don't know how long this bathscapade will last - when I get home from the gym I sort of just want to sit around. Also, my bath is constantly full of ants. I don't know about an ant bath. I've been trying to get rid of them, but now I'm growing used to them being all through the bathroom that I don't know how I'd survive without them. That's a lie. But back to the fatigue - I just can't sleep sometimes, even when I am SO tired that it is just untrue that my eyes are remaining open. I've been averaging about 7 hours of cardio exercise a week these past few weeks though so I am fairly sure I am just pushing myself too hard and need to scale it back somewhat. It's also causing me to be constantly starving and give in to cravings much more than I would. I think that is less about the adrenal fatigue and more about my inner piglet though.

Today the Property Manager from the Real Estate came by to conduct a 4 week inspection. She gave me some cock & bull story about how for insurance purposes they must inspect the property quarterly. Before she said that I asked her if she would be there to inspect quarterly, and she said, "No, no, I'll inspect it every 3 months." Awesome.

Now to the date report. So I had my date with the younger man - I had decided, as Urs suggested, to embrace my inner cougar. However, it was simply disastrous. He spent the whole time saying all this stuff that just progressively made me think he was more and more of a wanker. I was totally ready to give him a shot after my initial reservations, however this conversation was a sign of things to come later in the evening...

Me: What high school did you go to?

Him: Northmead. I got into Baulkham Hills and Girraween but I didn't go...I should've gone!

Me: Why did you go to Northmead over a selective school?

Him: Oh my parents couldn't afford the fees...

Me: Dude, there are no additional fees for a selective school - it's just a public school full of smart people.

Him: (attitude in voice) Well that's not what MY family was led to believe.

I don't care that he didn't get into a selective school - I didn't exactly embrace what I realise now was a fabulous opportunity so I'm not one to judge. But honestly, there is no point in making up such ludicrous and unnecessary stories in the hope that it might impress me!! I am so easily pleased it's not funny - crack a clever joke. That's all it takes!! Though I am sure we don't have the same sense of humour - he didn't even like Anchorman!! I don't think anyone can imagine me in a lasting relationship with someone who doesn't worship Will Ferrell...in fact, I am watching Semi-Pro right now. And my brother Steve often refers to me as Jackie Moon - I'm not sure why, but I'll embrace it.

Back to the disaster date -  to be fair, he did sit through New Moon - when I say sit through, he fell asleep, but that was fine with me because it meant I could relax in the seat, having been crouched as far away from him as possible lest he try to touch me. Lucky it was Gold Class, there was plenty of crouching room and a man's arms can only reach so far!

Anyway, I am putting my dating escapades on the back burner for a while. I am picking up my puppy on Friday, and with uni starting early next year I should probably focus on that. Also, I don't like this idea of forcing myself to get to know someone - I find it makes me standoffish (more-so than usual!) and generally judgmental. I guess I am that girl that will always be a friend first and perhaps it will grow into more once I know I can have fun with someone.

Today, much to my initial displeasure but eventual delight, I helped my family decorate the house for Christmas! Steve, Grant, Minna and I had such a good laugh. Steve was calling Grant Sabrina (after some person on The Apprentice who was apparently very annoying), and we all gave Grant a hard time about going to collect Minna and greeting her parents stinking and covered in dirt from his time in the morning decorating the roof. Mum started on the Christmas tree inside, and then handed the reins over to Minna who did a fabulous job with the beads. As I write this I realise - I really didn't do much. Grant did shout down from the roof that I wasn't doing anything sat on the rocks in the front yard, and Steve (who was sat next to me) shouted back, "Nah, she's on a break!" then proceeded to hand me small branches from a nearby bush to throw at Grant up on the roof. I do say "Bah Humbug!" a lot at this time of year, but I really do enjoy Christmas. I am so lucky to have such a fabulously mental family who laugh a lot and generally enjoy each others' company. 

Since I've been hanging around the house this afternoon with the team, I have eaten quite badly. It's kind of like when I am here at JBD, it's a little holiday and my normal eating habits can go out the window. But no more - you don't get abs by having binge days!! I think recently I've been feeling a bit deprived and like I'm working SO hard constantly with no rest days and never a treat or anything to look forward to. It's meant I've had a really bad week in general this week just gone, and today is an 8th day to my badness.  I don't know what to do about it really - achieving the things I want to achieve is slow going now that I've lost the weight I wanted to. It makes staying motivated and on-track all the more challenging. I never eat so badly that I gain weight - I just tend to stay the same for a few days and then my weight will start to go down again. I shouldn't complain - I know I am lucky to be where I am now. But it's really annoying to have these binges when I know full well that it is within my power to control what I eat and achieve goals I've set. I'm my own worst enemy!

On a final note, tomorrow is my Dad's Birthday. Happy birthday Dad!! I'm bringing one of my favourite bottles of wine over to share with lunch, or he can save it if he likes. We shared one a few months ago and needless to say, like father like daughter - it lasted about 20 minutes and we were both flushed and jolly for the rest of the evening.

- B xxx

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Well it sure has been a long time since my last post!! I'm not actually sure where to start - I don't feel like much has gone on in the past week or so, but when you live a life as full of mayhem as mine there are bound to be stories. So I shall commence typing and see what flows out...

I've kind of been a bit sick the past week - I have this recurring thing that I just can't seem to shake and so I finally bit the bullet and went to the doctor about it. Going to the doctor after I've had it three months in a row made me realise how much like a man I can be sometimes. It took me 3 months to go and get treatment. Until then, I'd just been thinking to myself "No, it's fine, don't be such a wimp, not everything has to be a drama.". Anyway, hopefully all will be well now that I am behaving like a woman and employing my common-sense again.

I'm back in the game! I'd sort of given up on dating after the disaster that was seeing someone I went to school with and had a massive crush on 10 years ago. Seems people really aren't always what you've made them out to be in your head!! I've got a date tomorrow night. I'm quite excited actually - he seems very lovely and actually appears to care about my well-being, which I find disconcerting. I think this could be an area of improvement for me. I seem to have it in my head that I should care about myself and other people should care about themselves and we should all just go along like that. It freaks me out when someone takes a genuine interest in me - mainly I just don't believe them and wonder what it is they are after from me. I think it only applies to romantic interests - with friends it seems different. I think...and this is just me tossing ideas around...I think I equate caring for me with trying to control me. I dated an extremely controlling person for about 2 years when I was in my early 20's and though I never let him actually control me, he spent the whole time trying and it appears to have scarred me. I actually behaved like an absolute brat towards the end of our relationship - it was fun! He was a jerk.

Now, with this man I am seeing tomorrow night, he seems fab and very smart, well mannered etc...there are but 2 issues I am playing with... He is younger than me. Now I know that in this day and age that is completely fine etc, but I've ALWAYS dated older guys - and not just a little older, but like 7 - 10 years older. I don't know if I can adjust...I guess if the chemistry is there I will be able to. Now to the more pressing issue...he has the same name as my ex. And not an ex from years ago, but my recent ex, the ex I dated for almost four years and am still mates with... Can this divide be crossed?? I think it will be a case of seeing if I can get used to it... It's a very common name. If I strike it off, I really am limiting my pool of possible suitors. I really like that word. Suitors. It sounds posh.

I've had a couple of bad food days recently - actually more like too much booze which led to a pizza on Saturday. Then today I ate properly apart from about 6 shots of coffee (in the form of flat whites so quite a lot of milk too) and a slice of raisin toast with butter. I guess in the scheme of things it isn't that much, but for me it is so foreign that I feel quite freaked out by it. I always worry that it will become a habit and all of a sudden I'll wake up and be this monsterous lady who washes herself with a rag on a stick. I guess if I start considering purchasing a rag on a stick I'll know things have gone too far and I need to pare back the raisin toast.

I've started myself on a little project - a Noah's Ark of Music. I think it's a great idea actually and I'm very pleased with myself for coming up with it!! I've started with Heavy Metal because I think it will be the most challenging genre for me to listen to two albums from end to end, and it will get better from there. But who knows - maybe I'll like it. I don't mind some fairly heavy rock, so I might just cross over to the dark side - watch this space, I am prone to getting totally engrossed in things like this so next time you see me I might just be wearing cuffs with spikes and dressing all in black. No chance of any facial piercings though.

So what I really need to come up with is a comprehensive list of musical genres for me to follow. Those that know me well will know that everything in my life must be in list format, ideally bullet pointed for easy reading. I am terribly OCD.

Tomorrow I must work out like I've never worked out before. I am really behind in my cardio and I don't like leaving it till the end of the week. I don't even know if Run Club is on this week, so that's another 60 minutes I may have to motivate myself to do - eek! I asked my trainer on Monday and he looked at me blankly for a bit until I explained that all the other trainers are going to do this thing involving a lot of mud on Saturday so I thought the studio might be closed. He just didn't answer me and kept on with the session. I'm so confused! I guess I should assume it's not on and that I have to draw on all of my inner strength to do 60 minutes of hard cardio on my own.

I'm kind of getting a bit bored of Run Club anyway - it's just the same run every week and though that's fine, it's not like there are fabulous runners in the group that I can chase and try to increase my own fitness that way. I seem to mostly be at the front of the pack, and this week just gone it only took me 15 minutes to finish the run and I played on the swings for about 5 minutes until everyone else got there. Not that I mind playing on the swings. But I'm definitely the sort of person that needs to be striving for something - with this, it's just "Run till you get there, do a bit of other stuff, then run back." which I guess is fine and hard to make it any different given that it is group training. But I don't find it physically stimulating. There is this fabulous lady, Katrina, that does it. We met at boxing last week and we were totally the bad kids in the group - at one point we were both almost falling over with laughter, about nothing in particular. So I do like the social side of group training, though I am sure the trainers HATE my constant blabbering. I can't help it. I have a lot to say. About everything. All the time.

Last but not least, I am finally starting to wish that I could get my TV to tune. I'm getting pretty bored and there really is only so much one can do on the internet. In the evenings I kind of wish I could watch some mindless American sitcom/crime shows before bed. But it won't be long before I get my big TV, I just gotta wait it out. And it is worth the wait, cos it means I get to have Jeff!! The other lady who bought the little black boy is picking which one she wants this week - I'm hoping she doesn't pick the one I've picked but I don't have any say in it so I just gotta wait. I'm worried if she does pick that one that I'll always feel a little bit cheated and I won't love the one I get as much. It's stupid. My friend Ria tells me it's stupid, and she is the smartest lady I know.

- B xxx