Tuesday 22 December 2009

Firstly, sorry I've been so boring everyone!! I'm much better now, in fact I am eating like I'm an army of men. Very hairy men. And smelly. Hairy smelly men. Anyhoo...

After my hairdressers’ appointment on Saturday I met with a good friend of mine for a coffee and a chat. We try to catch up every few weeks at least, she’s been dating a lot and I love hearing all her stories – in fact, a friend of hers has been telling her to start a blog about them all!! This week it was relatively uneventful compared to previous reports which have included being taken to McDonald’s (surely even the dumbest of dumb dudes knows this is a massive dating faux pas?), being dragged along to watch her date perform stand-up comedy (on the FIRST date!!) and receiving an email just before a date saying, “I have to let you know, I told you I was 34 but really I’m 42…”. Who are these people?! Anyway, last time we met (about 3 weeks ago), she had a second date with someone later that evening, and a first date the next day. The second date guy didn’t make it to third date status, as he wore EXACTLY THE SAME OUTFIT as their first date. This confuses me on many counts – surely he had something else which could have sufficed? At least a different shirt? But more confusing, if he only has one outfit – why does it include a LIME GREEN shirt? People will remember it, it’s inevitable. If you are only going to wear one thing all the time, surely you would choose something low-key, almost non-descript?

At work our team has been working on following up an email we sent out a week ago. It’s been a good little exercise actually, I’m fairly adverse to cold calling at the best of times but this should make my calls next year a little easier (at least to the few people I’ve managed to speak to!). I’ve been noticing that more and more when I speak to male clients my little brain immediately makes an assessment as to whether they are hot or not. It’s completely absurd, I’m not sure what is wrong with me but clearly something is. How can I possibly know if they are hot simply from the sound of their voice? I must arrange to meet them. Post haste.

Today we had our Kris Kringle/Secret Santa morning tea. There was SO much food, and stupidly this afternoon I stopped in downstairs on my way back from a meeting and brought a load of stuff up for afternoon tea. Needless to say, no-one else ate much of it, and I spent the afternoon simultaneously bouncing off the walls and falling completely asleep from the sheer weight of the sugar coursing through my veins. I got a set of knives for my gift. It’s quite a thoughtful gift given I’ve moved house recently and I was living with my folks, but I’ve already got a set of very very posh knives so I’m not sure what to do with a second set. Also I’m a bit dubious about knives purchased with a whopping budget of $15 – chances are I’ll be cutting a melon or something and end up with the handle in my hand and the blade sticking out of my femoral artery. Then when I recover people at work will ask me to explain how it happened and I'll be embarrassed to say it was the fault of my Secret Santa gift, so instead I'll tell them I'm depressed and tried to commit suicide. People will shun me because they won't know how to take my brutal honesty and eventually I'll become a recluse, leaving the house once a year to get a trolley full of toilet paper from Woolworth's. People will say "There she is, she's strange but harmless really." or "I remember when she was normal. She seemed to have such promise."

Tonight I took Jeff on a little outing to see my parents. They adore him, it's beautiful to watch actually. My Mum is not really an animal person but she got the broom out and let him chase it as she swept. He thought it was a fabulous game and then when she sat down he proceeded to show his affection by licking her toes. I got him a raw carrot to chew on the advice of the vet - he loved it!! I thought he'd take one look at it and tell me to give him a steak but he carried it around like it was his pride and joy.

Jeff eats his own poo. Enough said.

I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. A lot has happened to me in 2009 - most of it fantastic, a few not so nice patches but all for the best really. I can't believe how different my life is from this time last year!! I'm declaring 2010 the Year of the Bec - I figure some good fortune is due given the roller coaster that was 2009. 

When I think back, I've really met some awesome people this year. But the thing that I am most thankful for is becoming close to my family again. I was always close to them and loved them, but I lived so far away until 6 months ago that I didn't see nearly enough of them. Now I get to while away my weekends with my crazy brother putting my hazard lights on and waving people past me when we are stopped at traffic lights just as a joke, I get to eat fabulous Malaysian food cooked by my Mum whenever I fancy it (which is about every 10 minutes), I get to wrestle with my youngest brother when I refuse to eat a Smartie, and I get to share lovely bottles of wine with my Dad and remain flushed for several hours after we've finished. I'm one lucky lass!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

- B xxx

Saturday 19 December 2009

**WARNING: This post is really boring as I have been ill and not doing much. So only read on if you actually want a bit by bit recount of my life over the past week. It's really not been exciting at all.**

I have been the world’s biggest whinger lately and I am certain everyone is sick of hearing about how exhausted I am and how much my back aches. I was tested and I have low iron and low iron absorption – so I’ve started taking Vitamin C for the absorption and iron tablets for the iron, and eating lots of green leaves and steak. Let’s hope it sorts me out soon.

I think what brought all of this on is that I’ve not been eating the way I normally would for about the past 3 weeks. I don’t know why I suddenly went off the rails in such a big way – normally it would be a few m&ms here, a bit of banana bread there but never entire days or weeks where I just ate terribly. As a result, I haven’t eaten the same amount of red meat as I normally would. Then about a week ago when I got Jeff I may or may not have started not bothering with dinner if I was too tired – so I think that has made things worse.

The biggest victim in all of this is poor little Jeff! My patience for his jumping and running about like a goon has steadily been on the decline as I’ve become more and more tired, and I keep trying to remind myself that he’s just a little tiny puppy!! He’s such a sweetheart, he just wants to play all the time and it’s extremely cute. But when I am trying to clean poo and wee it’s less cute to find him gnawing on (a) my hand; or (b) the paper towel in my hand. I’ve just bought some stuff to sort out the deck so he can live outside. I thought I could be an inside pet person, but it turns out I really really can’t. I find myself bleaching and mopping all sorts of surfaces twice a day at the moment and I’m certain it is good for neither my sanity nor Jeff’s health. I guess my diagnosis of “borderline OCD” was slightly incorrect – I am fully fledged Obsessive Compulsive it would appear.

Jeff living outside doesn’t mean that I can’t be a good doggy-mummy though. I still plan to play with him all the time and take him with me everywhere! He wore his little car harness thing for the first time yesterday and moaned so much the whole way to where we were going that on the way back I didn’t make him wear it. He had managed to tangle it all up in the seat belt within about 5 seconds of getting in the car. I don’t know how he does it but he can get himself tied in knots quicker than I can blink.

So I’m TOTALLY over my crush. Facebook does wonders for these kinds of things I find – he joined a group called “Speak English or Piss Off”. I’m not at all interested in someone with such bigoted views. As an aside, my cousin (who is ½ Asian!) joined the same group. I find this completely bizarre – given all the times I’ve seen people speak down to my Mum (a crazy little Asian lady) for some unknown reason but treat my Dad (as Aussie as Aussie can be) with the utmost respect, I’ve absolutely no time for anyone who would judge someone based on such a factor. Yet my cousin, who also grew up the child of a mixed-race marriage and who I am sure must have had similar experiences with this behaviour seems completely unaffected by it. Strange. Maybe it’s some sort of weird “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality.
 

My Aunty Wend gave me a TV, VCR & DVD the other night. She is unbelievably good to me. I never really watch TV, but I have heaps of DVD's and quite like TV for the background noise it provides. My friends Clair and Ria had given me a TV but I couldn't tune it cos it was sans remote, so it turned out to be just a big paperweight. After I got home with the TV Wend had given me, she sent me a text asking if I wanted her to buy me an aerial cable - how sweet is she?? Thanks Wend!! xx

Last night I started teaching my Dad how to use Facebook. He's been asking me for months to show him - I'd been avoiding it as I didn't know if either of us would have the patience. He picked it up well though, I was really impressed!! He said he just wants to be friends with me and my brothers at the moment while he shows himself all the ins and outs of it. I think it confuses him - he doesn't get the whole concept of status updates, he kept asking me who they were directed at. He was very excited to see Facebook suggested a friend for him that he used to work with - oh the wonders of technology!!

Today I had my hair done, I got 1/2 a head of highlights after tossing up on whether to go lighter or darker. The length is pretty much the same but she's really fixed the layers - I'm very happy with it overall. Also, I saw my dream man. He was unbelievably attractive and as I walked out his vision followed me - I was very flattered though I am sure he was looking at some very attractive young thing who happened to be in the same line of vision as me. However I shall continue to be flattered and pretend that he was actually watching me. There was one thing that was massive turnoff about him though - I saw him smoking. Oh well. I shall just appreciate his beauty. He was one of those dude that stand outside a hairdresser and try to get people to buy those promotional offers where you pay like $80 upfront and you get all these services for very little money. He was so manly. He looked like that Chris O'Donnell who starred in Batman & Robin.

When I went to the osteopath this morning there was a lady waiting in the reception area for her appointment with another practitioner. She looked quite hippyish, and was reading Who magazine. I was watching her, and her facial expressions became more and more confused and concerned as she turned each page. It was quite hilarious - she obviously doesn't have a Who addict wherever she works like we do in my workplace, or she'd realise that every issue is full of the same nonsense.

Finally, a MASSIVE congratulations to my two favourite 18 year olds, my brother Grant and his girlfriend Minna. They recently got their HSC results back and Grant got a tiny 97.2 and Minna got a measly 99.3. I am so unbelievably happy for and proud of both of you - you worked so hard and deserved the fantastic results you've achieved!!

- B xxx

Thursday 10 December 2009

I had a flashback to the disaster date & simply had to write about it as I hadn't included this little event in my previous post. There was one of those competitions where you put your business card in the draw and you can win whatever - he pulled out his card and popped it in the draw, and I said, "Oh maybe I'll enter too!". So I took out my purse and got out a card - the shock & disbelief on his face was laughable. I was really confused until he said, "You have BUSINESS CARDS too?". Then I wasn't confused anymore - I was just annoyed and offended. Why was he so shocked that I should have business cards? I honestly think he thought he was taking out some retarded girl who happened to have a nice smile, and was shocked to find me reasonably intelligent and not all that smiley when it came to his condescending comments.

- B xxx

Monday 7 December 2009

A short post today - not much has happened since my last post but a couple of bits are plaguing me this morning...

I cannot, for some reason, focus today. I was at the gym at 6am for my Monday morning PT session, and during the 30 minutes I think I spent about 26 of them trying to look out the window or around the studio. I don't know why I couldn't keep my mind on the job this morning. I feel kinda spacey now too. I told Mr PT that I'm starting netball next season after about 6 years off the courts. I also told him how my ex told me to remember that just because people are better than me at netball, it doesn't make them stinkers and I should not be mean to them. All I need to do is practise and I will get better too. Now Mr PT thinks I am this big horrible bully. I kind of like that he thinks that actually. Keeps him on his toes.

This morning I was driving behind a car with a bumper sticker that read "Real Men Love Jesus". I have no problem with religious people - I have an issue with religion in that it claims to preach love but really it preaches intolerance. What I would like to know is why I need to have the fact that people are religious rubbed in my face via bumper stickers and the like? How dare that person judge me or question my manliness {:o)} because I do not "love Jesus". Imagine the backlash if I had a sticker that read "Satan Rocks" on my car. My grandma would have a fit, but that's an aside. I'm perfectly happy for people to believe what they would like to believe - however I think in the same way, my right to believe what I believe should be respected. Stupid sticker.

4 sleeps till I get Jeff!! I can't wait!! I got all his little bits and pieces out last night, so his little house is ready for him and I've unwrapped all his toys etc. I need to go and get him some treats, and some more toys to play with. My friend Clair is coming to have dinner at my place on Monday night all the way from Coogee so Jeff doesn't get lonely - Monday will be his first day all alone in the house while I am at work. Clair has a fabulous new red convertible that she is enjoying driving so I think that has something to do with her willingness to come to my side of Sydney!

Just a little moan...yesterday at my Dad's bithday party I brought my own lunch. My Mum is a fabulous cook, but it is too hard for me to try and count the carbs and fat in what she makes, so I'd prefer to just eat what I make and enjoy the company of my family. Everyone, as usual, had something to say about this. It's not the first time I've done it, and it won't be the last. But my grandma said "That would be torture for me, I think I would just throw it in the bin and eat with everyone else blah blah blah!". I adore my grandma, but when I was overweight I did not hear the end of it then either. So what exactly do these people want from me? Being thin and fit takes discipline for some people - unlike my mother's family, I do not have predominately Asian genes. I am not naturally stick thin. But I've learnt to live with it, I afford myself treats sometimes, but most of the time I just have to suck it up and eat what Mr PT tells me to. It just winds me up - nothing I ever do is good enough or to their liking. To her credit though, my Mum doesn't get offended anymore - she shrugs her shoulders and accepts that I am going to do what I am going to do. I know I should stop worrying about what other people think and just be happy in myself but it's difficult - for my whole childhood I was pudgy and my Mum's family were merciless in their taunts. Having 4 brothers didn't help, but they are MEANT to taunt you. And now that I can manage my weight and I'm the fittest I've ever been, it's like they preferred me fat or something.

- B xxx

Saturday 5 December 2009

This week I was told the most fabulously debaucherous story I have ever heard. The person involved shall remain nameless, but I don't think anyone who reads this knows her anyway. I can't possibly articulate it in writing with the same hilarity that I experienced when I heard it - it made me literally keel over in my chair laughing. So my friend, let's call her Marge, met a lovely man. They were inseparable from the minute they locked gazes, all her friends who were out with her at the pub thought she had taken ecstasy such was her immediate attachment to the gentleman in question. Eventually, after many a public display of affection, they decided to leave the pub in pursuit of privacy. On the way home, they stopped to have a raunchy kiss up against a brick wall. The house behind the wall had the front door open, and a suitably drunken Marge led her man friend inside. More action in the hallway ensued until this conversation:

Man-friend: You're amazing, let's go to your room.

Marge: OK. We better go to my house first.

Man-friend: This isn't your house?!

Marge: Nah.

Man-friend: So who lives here??!

Marge: I've got no idea...

You know who you are my friend Marge. And you know how I feel about your story - extremely positive and generally quite amused. Well done!! Everyone else will be pleased to know, Marge & her man friend are pursuing an adult relationship - much to Marge's surprise given her drunken behaviour on their first meeting!!

Last night I went to The Mean Fiddler. It was SO much fun - and I had not a drop to drink. Mainly cos my friend Sandi's hubby Jez is a cop and I was driving. I know he wouldn't make me feel weird, but I would just feel so frowned upon! So I was on the water. All the girls had a lovely boogie, and I finally got to meet Sandi's niece Rhonda who arrived in Sydney from South Africa this week. I left fairly early, not knowing that later on in the evening there would be much pashing and dashing!! (Well done Carly & Rhonda!! I know nothing of the events but I am sure they deserve a mention in my blog!)

Sandi was in fine form on the posh champagne and imparted much useful advice, mainly with regards to a guy that I have a little crush on. On him having a girlfriend, "Disregard her!". On how difficult it is having a crush on someone with little to no relevant interest in you, "He loves you! It's obvious! Disregard his girlfriend, I hate her already. She's a man. Tell her she's ruining your chances with him!". Other topics included women wearing dresses which are way too short for them (Seriously, what is the deal with this? Do they not realise that they look cheap and tawdry? This is not a trend to embrace people. You look like hookers.), the fact that I had never heard some song that came on and if I'm hungry I should choose fruit over ice cream. It's such a funny little world - I used to babysit Sandi's daughters Emily & Caitlin in England as I was working next door as a nanny. Then I moved back to Australia and shortly after so did Sandi & her family but we lost touch. About 12 months later I sent Sandi an email to the only address I had for her - and it turned out she was living just up the road from me!!

On the subject of nannying/babies - recently I have been going through a phase of not liking children.  I've historically always been the opposite. I've thought a lot about it, and can confirm I do actually like kids. I mainly like them when they can't talk properly, however I also enjoy them when they are laughing, have faces covered in ice-cream, chocolate or vegemite or when they have just done something really BAD and they know they've been bad, and they don't care. I think what has brought on my current phase is doing my shopping in a geographic location where there is a higher proportion of people with children. In the Eastern Suburbs I'm willing to bet there is a lower percentage of people with children than in the West. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's just meant I've reached a point of extreme annoyance with the grubby little blighters. I really must work on my patience and tolerance. Christmas doesn't help - they're everywhere, demanding gifts.

Recently I declared myself a Google doctor. Today I was vindicated when I explained some concerns I've been having to my osteopath and he diagnosed the exact condition that I had self diagnosed. Who needs a degree when the world has Google?? It's a terrible thing for hypochondriacs like me. But turns out I do actually have adrenal fatigue, and I need to start taking baths with candles and the like before bed. I don't know how long this bathscapade will last - when I get home from the gym I sort of just want to sit around. Also, my bath is constantly full of ants. I don't know about an ant bath. I've been trying to get rid of them, but now I'm growing used to them being all through the bathroom that I don't know how I'd survive without them. That's a lie. But back to the fatigue - I just can't sleep sometimes, even when I am SO tired that it is just untrue that my eyes are remaining open. I've been averaging about 7 hours of cardio exercise a week these past few weeks though so I am fairly sure I am just pushing myself too hard and need to scale it back somewhat. It's also causing me to be constantly starving and give in to cravings much more than I would. I think that is less about the adrenal fatigue and more about my inner piglet though.

Today the Property Manager from the Real Estate came by to conduct a 4 week inspection. She gave me some cock & bull story about how for insurance purposes they must inspect the property quarterly. Before she said that I asked her if she would be there to inspect quarterly, and she said, "No, no, I'll inspect it every 3 months." Awesome.

Now to the date report. So I had my date with the younger man - I had decided, as Urs suggested, to embrace my inner cougar. However, it was simply disastrous. He spent the whole time saying all this stuff that just progressively made me think he was more and more of a wanker. I was totally ready to give him a shot after my initial reservations, however this conversation was a sign of things to come later in the evening...

Me: What high school did you go to?

Him: Northmead. I got into Baulkham Hills and Girraween but I didn't go...I should've gone!

Me: Why did you go to Northmead over a selective school?

Him: Oh my parents couldn't afford the fees...

Me: Dude, there are no additional fees for a selective school - it's just a public school full of smart people.

Him: (attitude in voice) Well that's not what MY family was led to believe.

I don't care that he didn't get into a selective school - I didn't exactly embrace what I realise now was a fabulous opportunity so I'm not one to judge. But honestly, there is no point in making up such ludicrous and unnecessary stories in the hope that it might impress me!! I am so easily pleased it's not funny - crack a clever joke. That's all it takes!! Though I am sure we don't have the same sense of humour - he didn't even like Anchorman!! I don't think anyone can imagine me in a lasting relationship with someone who doesn't worship Will Ferrell...in fact, I am watching Semi-Pro right now. And my brother Steve often refers to me as Jackie Moon - I'm not sure why, but I'll embrace it.

Back to the disaster date -  to be fair, he did sit through New Moon - when I say sit through, he fell asleep, but that was fine with me because it meant I could relax in the seat, having been crouched as far away from him as possible lest he try to touch me. Lucky it was Gold Class, there was plenty of crouching room and a man's arms can only reach so far!

Anyway, I am putting my dating escapades on the back burner for a while. I am picking up my puppy on Friday, and with uni starting early next year I should probably focus on that. Also, I don't like this idea of forcing myself to get to know someone - I find it makes me standoffish (more-so than usual!) and generally judgmental. I guess I am that girl that will always be a friend first and perhaps it will grow into more once I know I can have fun with someone.

Today, much to my initial displeasure but eventual delight, I helped my family decorate the house for Christmas! Steve, Grant, Minna and I had such a good laugh. Steve was calling Grant Sabrina (after some person on The Apprentice who was apparently very annoying), and we all gave Grant a hard time about going to collect Minna and greeting her parents stinking and covered in dirt from his time in the morning decorating the roof. Mum started on the Christmas tree inside, and then handed the reins over to Minna who did a fabulous job with the beads. As I write this I realise - I really didn't do much. Grant did shout down from the roof that I wasn't doing anything sat on the rocks in the front yard, and Steve (who was sat next to me) shouted back, "Nah, she's on a break!" then proceeded to hand me small branches from a nearby bush to throw at Grant up on the roof. I do say "Bah Humbug!" a lot at this time of year, but I really do enjoy Christmas. I am so lucky to have such a fabulously mental family who laugh a lot and generally enjoy each others' company. 

Since I've been hanging around the house this afternoon with the team, I have eaten quite badly. It's kind of like when I am here at JBD, it's a little holiday and my normal eating habits can go out the window. But no more - you don't get abs by having binge days!! I think recently I've been feeling a bit deprived and like I'm working SO hard constantly with no rest days and never a treat or anything to look forward to. It's meant I've had a really bad week in general this week just gone, and today is an 8th day to my badness.  I don't know what to do about it really - achieving the things I want to achieve is slow going now that I've lost the weight I wanted to. It makes staying motivated and on-track all the more challenging. I never eat so badly that I gain weight - I just tend to stay the same for a few days and then my weight will start to go down again. I shouldn't complain - I know I am lucky to be where I am now. But it's really annoying to have these binges when I know full well that it is within my power to control what I eat and achieve goals I've set. I'm my own worst enemy!

On a final note, tomorrow is my Dad's Birthday. Happy birthday Dad!! I'm bringing one of my favourite bottles of wine over to share with lunch, or he can save it if he likes. We shared one a few months ago and needless to say, like father like daughter - it lasted about 20 minutes and we were both flushed and jolly for the rest of the evening.

- B xxx

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Well it sure has been a long time since my last post!! I'm not actually sure where to start - I don't feel like much has gone on in the past week or so, but when you live a life as full of mayhem as mine there are bound to be stories. So I shall commence typing and see what flows out...

I've kind of been a bit sick the past week - I have this recurring thing that I just can't seem to shake and so I finally bit the bullet and went to the doctor about it. Going to the doctor after I've had it three months in a row made me realise how much like a man I can be sometimes. It took me 3 months to go and get treatment. Until then, I'd just been thinking to myself "No, it's fine, don't be such a wimp, not everything has to be a drama.". Anyway, hopefully all will be well now that I am behaving like a woman and employing my common-sense again.

I'm back in the game! I'd sort of given up on dating after the disaster that was seeing someone I went to school with and had a massive crush on 10 years ago. Seems people really aren't always what you've made them out to be in your head!! I've got a date tomorrow night. I'm quite excited actually - he seems very lovely and actually appears to care about my well-being, which I find disconcerting. I think this could be an area of improvement for me. I seem to have it in my head that I should care about myself and other people should care about themselves and we should all just go along like that. It freaks me out when someone takes a genuine interest in me - mainly I just don't believe them and wonder what it is they are after from me. I think it only applies to romantic interests - with friends it seems different. I think...and this is just me tossing ideas around...I think I equate caring for me with trying to control me. I dated an extremely controlling person for about 2 years when I was in my early 20's and though I never let him actually control me, he spent the whole time trying and it appears to have scarred me. I actually behaved like an absolute brat towards the end of our relationship - it was fun! He was a jerk.

Now, with this man I am seeing tomorrow night, he seems fab and very smart, well mannered etc...there are but 2 issues I am playing with... He is younger than me. Now I know that in this day and age that is completely fine etc, but I've ALWAYS dated older guys - and not just a little older, but like 7 - 10 years older. I don't know if I can adjust...I guess if the chemistry is there I will be able to. Now to the more pressing issue...he has the same name as my ex. And not an ex from years ago, but my recent ex, the ex I dated for almost four years and am still mates with... Can this divide be crossed?? I think it will be a case of seeing if I can get used to it... It's a very common name. If I strike it off, I really am limiting my pool of possible suitors. I really like that word. Suitors. It sounds posh.

I've had a couple of bad food days recently - actually more like too much booze which led to a pizza on Saturday. Then today I ate properly apart from about 6 shots of coffee (in the form of flat whites so quite a lot of milk too) and a slice of raisin toast with butter. I guess in the scheme of things it isn't that much, but for me it is so foreign that I feel quite freaked out by it. I always worry that it will become a habit and all of a sudden I'll wake up and be this monsterous lady who washes herself with a rag on a stick. I guess if I start considering purchasing a rag on a stick I'll know things have gone too far and I need to pare back the raisin toast.

I've started myself on a little project - a Noah's Ark of Music. I think it's a great idea actually and I'm very pleased with myself for coming up with it!! I've started with Heavy Metal because I think it will be the most challenging genre for me to listen to two albums from end to end, and it will get better from there. But who knows - maybe I'll like it. I don't mind some fairly heavy rock, so I might just cross over to the dark side - watch this space, I am prone to getting totally engrossed in things like this so next time you see me I might just be wearing cuffs with spikes and dressing all in black. No chance of any facial piercings though.

So what I really need to come up with is a comprehensive list of musical genres for me to follow. Those that know me well will know that everything in my life must be in list format, ideally bullet pointed for easy reading. I am terribly OCD.

Tomorrow I must work out like I've never worked out before. I am really behind in my cardio and I don't like leaving it till the end of the week. I don't even know if Run Club is on this week, so that's another 60 minutes I may have to motivate myself to do - eek! I asked my trainer on Monday and he looked at me blankly for a bit until I explained that all the other trainers are going to do this thing involving a lot of mud on Saturday so I thought the studio might be closed. He just didn't answer me and kept on with the session. I'm so confused! I guess I should assume it's not on and that I have to draw on all of my inner strength to do 60 minutes of hard cardio on my own.

I'm kind of getting a bit bored of Run Club anyway - it's just the same run every week and though that's fine, it's not like there are fabulous runners in the group that I can chase and try to increase my own fitness that way. I seem to mostly be at the front of the pack, and this week just gone it only took me 15 minutes to finish the run and I played on the swings for about 5 minutes until everyone else got there. Not that I mind playing on the swings. But I'm definitely the sort of person that needs to be striving for something - with this, it's just "Run till you get there, do a bit of other stuff, then run back." which I guess is fine and hard to make it any different given that it is group training. But I don't find it physically stimulating. There is this fabulous lady, Katrina, that does it. We met at boxing last week and we were totally the bad kids in the group - at one point we were both almost falling over with laughter, about nothing in particular. So I do like the social side of group training, though I am sure the trainers HATE my constant blabbering. I can't help it. I have a lot to say. About everything. All the time.

Last but not least, I am finally starting to wish that I could get my TV to tune. I'm getting pretty bored and there really is only so much one can do on the internet. In the evenings I kind of wish I could watch some mindless American sitcom/crime shows before bed. But it won't be long before I get my big TV, I just gotta wait it out. And it is worth the wait, cos it means I get to have Jeff!! The other lady who bought the little black boy is picking which one she wants this week - I'm hoping she doesn't pick the one I've picked but I don't have any say in it so I just gotta wait. I'm worried if she does pick that one that I'll always feel a little bit cheated and I won't love the one I get as much. It's stupid. My friend Ria tells me it's stupid, and she is the smartest lady I know.

- B xxx