A few things are winding me up currently. Well actually, a lot of things are winding me up. My flatmate is the laziest person I've ever had the misfortune to live with. Although that is a gross overstatement of the actual situation, he is pretty lazy and seems intent on doing as little to help with the cleaning of the house as possible. I even went as far as to discuss with him the possibility of getting a cleaner in - he declined, saying we should just share the workload. I stupidly took that to mean that he might do some of the cleaning - evidently this was not his intention and by "share the workload" he meant I could clean the house and he could dirty it shortly after I finish. Not only that, but he's now taken to making little snide comments to me when I leave the house of an evening (I spend a lot of time at Mark's place these days - his TV is bigger and his place stinks less than mine). The other night I said goodbye and he replied, "Yes, that's the main comment you make to me - goodbye." Now I'm sure he thought he was being funny, but what person that is not annoyed about someone leaving would say such a thing? And then that leads on to who the hell does he think he is to be annoyed about how many nights I do or do not spend at my house? I'm reaching a point now where I don't actually want to be at home which is causing me quite a lot of distress.
I forgot to write about this in my previous post - I had a run-in with the most spiteful, mean spirited man I've ever encountered. I was at the petrol station last week, and I'd gone round to the far pumps but then realised that reason no-one else was there was because they were out of order. It just so happened that there was a man finishing at one of the front pumps and there was no-one waiting to pull into the pump, so I waited till he left and then began to reverse in. Just as I started to move backwards, this evil fat man came flying in and pulled in. I motioned to him on his approach that I was moving in there to fill up, and even though we'd made eye contact, he pulled in anyway! I got out of the car and asked him if he was serious (I was so shocked you see, normally profanity would have come flying out my gob but I just could not believe it had happened!) and he simply said, "You should have indicated." to which I replied, "I did! I indicated to you when you made eye contact with me that I was pulling in there!". He was such a fat idiot, I was so annoyed. He seemed so pleased with himself too - as if he'd really just done it to spite me.
Finally the last thing winding me up - today I was walking through Chatswood Station, and I had the mischance of spying a heavily pregnant lady. I have no issue with the fact that she was heavily pregnant. However I do have an issue with her wearing what were clearly her pre-pregnancy clothes. I have absolutely no interest in seeing a massive belly (that to me looks like an alien is residing in it) hanging out the bottom of a t-shirt and a butt crack poking out the top of trousers. If she cannot afford to purchase some suitable attire, how the hell does she expect to have the funds to feed, clothe and generally raise the child? Not only that, but people who are fat are ridiculed for not dressing to their size. Surely the same logic applies to pregnant people?? Perhaps I am a miserable grump (actually, I am certain I am today, given the foulness of my mood) - but I don't force people to look a my flabby belly and I would appreciate the same level of respect to be afforded to me, pregnant women of Chatswood.
- B xx
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Wednesday 17 February 2010
Hmmm…. It’s been a funny time. I’m trying hard to settle back into my routine – as you would be aware by now, I get quite OCD about what I eat, exercise etc. But 2010 seems to be a year of chopping and changing, no routine to speak of and generally feeling fat and bloated. I think it kind of comes with the territory of being in a new relationship – you want to enjoy fun times with that person and fun times often lead to eating out (or in my case, a Magnum Ego at every cinema outing).
This morning I went to the supermarket and it was SO hard not to buy a million things I know I should not eat. It was the age-old “don’t shop when you’re hungry” issue – yesterday I ate very few carbs so this morning I was STARVING. I ended up buying an All-day Breakfast – which consists of baked beans with sausages and some other non-descript bits of meat and is a whopping 72g of carbs in a can!! I ate some of it for breakfast and threw about 1/3 away. I knew as soon as I poured it out to heat it that I’d never get through it all. Also, as I was eating it I just felt pang after pang of regret (yet I continued spooning it into my jaw). Talk about bloody OCD!!
Things are going well with me and Mark. Perhaps a little too well… I have this self-sabotage issue that I really must either get over or not enter into any relationships with people. At times I get all weird and assume that something bad is going to happen – we’re going to have a massive fight, he’s going to confess he is married with 3 kids etc. This affects my behaviour and since Mark appears to be so bloody in-tune with me he picks up on it and wonders why I am so strange all of a sudden. I don’t see it coming, and I don’t realise I am doing it until right in the middle or after it has all blown over. He’s very good though – he seems to just take all my nuttery in his stride. I’m starting to suspect that he really LIKES me. ;o)
I’ve got a new trainer at Vision – Mr PT could not find time for me to have PM sessions which has worked out really well in the end. The new trainer is fantastic – I’ve always loved her, but now that I am training with her I realise that she is actually a fabulous PT too!! Where Mr PT simply lifted weights on and off machines for me, she actually corrects my form, pushes me to do things I am moaning about doing etc. I didn’t realise just how little I was getting out of my previous trainer – oh how blinded I was!
The past few weekends have been flat out and this weekend will be no exception. It’s my Mum’s birthday as well as Mark’s best mates birthday party, so I’ll be at that for a while then heading to dinner (I think – she still hasn’t made up her mind on what she is doing!) for Mum. It’s fun to have lots of things to do, but I do at times feel pulled in all sorts of directions. The other thing is that uni is taking a back seat (once again) and I can’t let that continue. It is no-one’s fault but my own – I need to stop committing to so many things. Mark and I talked about the possibility of me having quarterly barbecues at my place to catch up with everyone – I love the idea, but am not sure I can wait 3 months to see my friends all the time!
I've settled in quite well I think to being 27. Not much change from 26 really. I do feel substantially more responsible though which is good, but then I go and do things like forgetting to remind Mark to go to my house and feed Jeff this morning. This resulted in the poor pup not eating till about 10:30am. I'm sure he's fine - he eats dirt and slugs anyway so generally finds himself quite nourished.
On the subject of Jeff - he is packing about 15kgs these days! He is huge but still has the face and the energy of a little puppy. I love that he bounds around and is just always so happy. Yesterday we went out for a walk and he was really really good on the lead, and loved it when we ran along so I think he is going to be a great little running buddy for me. He's learning Stay too - he's very good at it, it took him a little while as he just wants to be under my feet all the time so finds it hard not to follow me, but now he'll sit at the door until I say OK! and then he comes running in. It's really aodrable.
- B xx
This morning I went to the supermarket and it was SO hard not to buy a million things I know I should not eat. It was the age-old “don’t shop when you’re hungry” issue – yesterday I ate very few carbs so this morning I was STARVING. I ended up buying an All-day Breakfast – which consists of baked beans with sausages and some other non-descript bits of meat and is a whopping 72g of carbs in a can!! I ate some of it for breakfast and threw about 1/3 away. I knew as soon as I poured it out to heat it that I’d never get through it all. Also, as I was eating it I just felt pang after pang of regret (yet I continued spooning it into my jaw). Talk about bloody OCD!!
Things are going well with me and Mark. Perhaps a little too well… I have this self-sabotage issue that I really must either get over or not enter into any relationships with people. At times I get all weird and assume that something bad is going to happen – we’re going to have a massive fight, he’s going to confess he is married with 3 kids etc. This affects my behaviour and since Mark appears to be so bloody in-tune with me he picks up on it and wonders why I am so strange all of a sudden. I don’t see it coming, and I don’t realise I am doing it until right in the middle or after it has all blown over. He’s very good though – he seems to just take all my nuttery in his stride. I’m starting to suspect that he really LIKES me. ;o)
I’ve got a new trainer at Vision – Mr PT could not find time for me to have PM sessions which has worked out really well in the end. The new trainer is fantastic – I’ve always loved her, but now that I am training with her I realise that she is actually a fabulous PT too!! Where Mr PT simply lifted weights on and off machines for me, she actually corrects my form, pushes me to do things I am moaning about doing etc. I didn’t realise just how little I was getting out of my previous trainer – oh how blinded I was!
The past few weekends have been flat out and this weekend will be no exception. It’s my Mum’s birthday as well as Mark’s best mates birthday party, so I’ll be at that for a while then heading to dinner (I think – she still hasn’t made up her mind on what she is doing!) for Mum. It’s fun to have lots of things to do, but I do at times feel pulled in all sorts of directions. The other thing is that uni is taking a back seat (once again) and I can’t let that continue. It is no-one’s fault but my own – I need to stop committing to so many things. Mark and I talked about the possibility of me having quarterly barbecues at my place to catch up with everyone – I love the idea, but am not sure I can wait 3 months to see my friends all the time!
I've settled in quite well I think to being 27. Not much change from 26 really. I do feel substantially more responsible though which is good, but then I go and do things like forgetting to remind Mark to go to my house and feed Jeff this morning. This resulted in the poor pup not eating till about 10:30am. I'm sure he's fine - he eats dirt and slugs anyway so generally finds himself quite nourished.
On the subject of Jeff - he is packing about 15kgs these days! He is huge but still has the face and the energy of a little puppy. I love that he bounds around and is just always so happy. Yesterday we went out for a walk and he was really really good on the lead, and loved it when we ran along so I think he is going to be a great little running buddy for me. He's learning Stay too - he's very good at it, it took him a little while as he just wants to be under my feet all the time so finds it hard not to follow me, but now he'll sit at the door until I say OK! and then he comes running in. It's really aodrable.
- B xx
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thursday 4 February 2010
It’s been ages again! I’m so sorry Mel – not only had I not updated my blog for your reading pleasure, but then I’ve also missed several of your outraged phone calls to tell me to get onto it immediately! I promise to adhere to a stricter and more regular writing schedule in future. For the record, you are fine to go ahead and blame the new dude I am seeing.
Yes, I am seeing someone! It is still early days, possibly even too soon for him to receive a mention here, but it’s too late now. His name is Mark and he’s unsure whether he should read my blog or not. The dilemma this creates for me is that if I tell him not to read it I am sure, like most humans, that the temptation will be too much and he will sneak a peek. If I don’t tell him not to read it but I write something that I don’t want him to see, it is my own fault if he does see it since it is out in the public forum. I can’t think of what I might like to shout to the world via my blog that I wouldn’t want Mark to know, but nonetheless it has made me feel quite censored.
I’ve told Mr PT that I am not coming in any more once my current sessions in credit are used up. It is really costing me a lot of money and I think I can probably do a lot of the stuff myself, but the beautiful thing is that Mark was a PT until about 18 months ago for a couple of years so if I need someone to keep me honest and absolutely smash me during a workout I can totally get it for free! I think he will secretly enjoy it just a little too much, but as long as I stay fit and healthy I can deal with him taking immense pleasure at hammering me.
My decision to leave Vision has led to me being locked in a battle of wills with the studio director. He is convinced he is going to convince me to stay, but what he doesn’t understand is how hard this decision was for me and how long it has been brewing!! I love Vision – it helped me put my life back on track when I was miserable and fat. I firmly believe I would still be with my ex, someone that I shouldn’t have ever been with really, if I’d stayed in that destructive cycle of emotional eating. Only when I gained my confidence back after having been a porker for some years did I start to force change in our relationship, which led to our break-up when it became evident that we could never be happy together. But I can’t keep relying on someone else to force me to manage my health and fitness – I need to develop the skills and the willpower necessary to do it myself. If I don’t, then I’ve learnt nothing from Vision.
Jeff is getting massive now, but his little butt isn’t growing at all – it’s because I haven’t been taking him out for walks so I must start immediately. I love him SO much though – he is such a sweet, friendly little puppy. Today I am going to buy him a lamb shank! He found this massive broom under the deck and carried it all the way around the house and up the stairs to show me. Very cute!
It was my birthday earlier this week, I turned the big 2-7 but I'm telling people I am 25. I am well and truly freaking out about being too close to 30. That coupled with the fact that I will embarked on yet another shot at uni (my fourth I think) next week which will see me as a student for the next 8 years before hopefully a career change has got me looking at all areas of my life and trying to decide what I want to do, what I can keep on with through uni and if I really do actually want to do uni, or if I just don't feel passionate about certain areas of my life right now.
The Ark is coming along nicely - I've recently purchsed the CD's for the Punk Genres (New Punk and Old Punk) and I shall write up my thoughts once I've had a moment to listen to them.
I promise to not be so long between posts from now on. As you can probably tell, I have some exciting stuff going on in my life and big decisions that need making, so I might actually have some material to use on here soon!! ;o)
- B xx
Yes, I am seeing someone! It is still early days, possibly even too soon for him to receive a mention here, but it’s too late now. His name is Mark and he’s unsure whether he should read my blog or not. The dilemma this creates for me is that if I tell him not to read it I am sure, like most humans, that the temptation will be too much and he will sneak a peek. If I don’t tell him not to read it but I write something that I don’t want him to see, it is my own fault if he does see it since it is out in the public forum. I can’t think of what I might like to shout to the world via my blog that I wouldn’t want Mark to know, but nonetheless it has made me feel quite censored.
I’ve told Mr PT that I am not coming in any more once my current sessions in credit are used up. It is really costing me a lot of money and I think I can probably do a lot of the stuff myself, but the beautiful thing is that Mark was a PT until about 18 months ago for a couple of years so if I need someone to keep me honest and absolutely smash me during a workout I can totally get it for free! I think he will secretly enjoy it just a little too much, but as long as I stay fit and healthy I can deal with him taking immense pleasure at hammering me.
My decision to leave Vision has led to me being locked in a battle of wills with the studio director. He is convinced he is going to convince me to stay, but what he doesn’t understand is how hard this decision was for me and how long it has been brewing!! I love Vision – it helped me put my life back on track when I was miserable and fat. I firmly believe I would still be with my ex, someone that I shouldn’t have ever been with really, if I’d stayed in that destructive cycle of emotional eating. Only when I gained my confidence back after having been a porker for some years did I start to force change in our relationship, which led to our break-up when it became evident that we could never be happy together. But I can’t keep relying on someone else to force me to manage my health and fitness – I need to develop the skills and the willpower necessary to do it myself. If I don’t, then I’ve learnt nothing from Vision.
Jeff is getting massive now, but his little butt isn’t growing at all – it’s because I haven’t been taking him out for walks so I must start immediately. I love him SO much though – he is such a sweet, friendly little puppy. Today I am going to buy him a lamb shank! He found this massive broom under the deck and carried it all the way around the house and up the stairs to show me. Very cute!
It was my birthday earlier this week, I turned the big 2-7 but I'm telling people I am 25. I am well and truly freaking out about being too close to 30. That coupled with the fact that I will embarked on yet another shot at uni (my fourth I think) next week which will see me as a student for the next 8 years before hopefully a career change has got me looking at all areas of my life and trying to decide what I want to do, what I can keep on with through uni and if I really do actually want to do uni, or if I just don't feel passionate about certain areas of my life right now.
The Ark is coming along nicely - I've recently purchsed the CD's for the Punk Genres (New Punk and Old Punk) and I shall write up my thoughts once I've had a moment to listen to them.
I promise to not be so long between posts from now on. As you can probably tell, I have some exciting stuff going on in my life and big decisions that need making, so I might actually have some material to use on here soon!! ;o)
- B xx
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
