Thursday 4 February 2010

It’s been ages again! I’m so sorry Mel – not only had I not updated my blog for your reading pleasure, but then I’ve also missed several of your outraged phone calls to tell me to get onto it immediately! I promise to adhere to a stricter and more regular writing schedule in future. For the record, you are fine to go ahead and blame the new dude I am seeing.

Yes, I am seeing someone! It is still early days, possibly even too soon for him to receive a mention here, but it’s too late now. His name is Mark and he’s unsure whether he should read my blog or not. The dilemma this creates for me is that if I tell him not to read it I am sure, like most humans, that the temptation will be too much and he will sneak a peek. If I don’t tell him not to read it but I write something that I don’t want him to see, it is my own fault if he does see it since it is out in the public forum. I can’t think of what I might like to shout to the world via my blog that I wouldn’t want Mark to know, but nonetheless it has made me feel quite censored.

I’ve told Mr PT that I am not coming in any more once my current sessions in credit are used up. It is really costing me a lot of money and I think I can probably do a lot of the stuff myself, but the beautiful thing is that Mark was a PT until about 18 months ago for a couple of years so if I need someone to keep me honest and absolutely smash me during a workout I can totally get it for free! I think he will secretly enjoy it just a little too much, but as long as I stay fit and healthy I can deal with him taking immense pleasure at hammering me.

My decision to leave Vision has led to me being locked in a battle of wills with the studio director. He is convinced he is going to convince me to stay, but what he doesn’t understand is how hard this decision was for me and how long it has been brewing!! I love Vision – it helped me put my life back on track when I was miserable and fat. I firmly believe I would still be with my ex, someone that I shouldn’t have ever been with really, if I’d stayed in that destructive cycle of emotional eating. Only when I gained my confidence back after having been a porker for some years did I start to force change in our relationship, which led to our break-up when it became evident that we could never be happy together. But I can’t keep relying on someone else to force me to manage my health and fitness – I need to develop the skills and the willpower necessary to do it myself. If I don’t, then I’ve learnt nothing from Vision.

Jeff is getting massive now, but his little butt isn’t growing at all – it’s because I haven’t been taking him out for walks so I must start immediately. I love him SO much though – he is such a sweet, friendly little puppy. Today I am going to buy him a lamb shank! He found this massive broom under the deck and carried it all the way around the house and up the stairs to show me. Very cute!

It was my birthday earlier this week, I turned the big 2-7 but I'm telling people I am 25. I am well and truly freaking out about being too close to 30. That coupled with the fact that I will embarked on yet another shot at uni (my fourth I think) next week which will see me as a student for the next 8 years before hopefully a career change has got me looking at all areas of my life and trying to decide what I want to do, what I can keep on with through uni and if I really do actually want to do uni, or if I just don't feel passionate about certain areas of my life right now.

The Ark is coming along nicely - I've recently purchsed the CD's for the Punk Genres (New Punk and Old Punk) and I shall write up my thoughts once I've had a moment to listen to them.

I promise to not be so long between posts from now on. As you can probably tell, I have some exciting stuff going on in my life and big decisions that need making, so I might actually have some material to use on here soon!! ;o)

- B xx